2 What you have to understand about the way I love Evan is this: I am desperate for him. I can't shut up about him, and I don't want to. I have heard people say that the sign of a strong relationship is that there is no sign of it on social media because the … Continue reading The man I kiss at midnight
3 4 4 4 2 Trigger Warning! Forward: When just over a month ago I sensed that my mind was changing, I was overcome with a frenzied need to record everything I thought and felt. Even before I understood that I was depressed, I realized I was going somewhere that outsiders could never truly visit. … Continue reading My Depression Diary
3 2 Those of us living with ALS or loving someone who has it are gratitude experts. Don't misunderstand me. We have our dark, bitter moments. As we catalogue our blessings - the precious time we have had on earth, our remaining abilities - we inevitably think about the other side of the coin. Yes, … Continue reading 3 Things to Be Grateful for This Thanksgiving If You Have ALS
4 3 2 As I write this, I am sitting in bed, watching a funny show while checking my email, text messages, and Facebook notifications. It is the middle of the night, a time of terror for me, so I need the safety of the blue electronic light of my devices. I bask in the … Continue reading I Am Not OK
7 5 8 8 9Dedicated to Dr. Goslin for giving me permission to believe, and my husband Evan, who shields me from the worst of the winter winds. I am a voracious reader. I always have been, thanks to my parents and grandparents, who planted books around my house in places I could reach even … Continue reading A Wild and Lonely Belief
4 Something about spending time on a covered porch always leads me reminiscing and daydreaming. As the rain clears to make room for the summer sun, I spend hours out there, watching my dogs play and letting my mind float on the afternoon breeze, I remember, and I plan. This beautiful weather makes me miss … Continue reading Summer Dreams
When I was thirteen, I bought a small, blue, canvas-bound book whose title, scrawled in loopy silver script, read, "The Interpretation of Dreams." I purchased it because every morning, I awoke with vivid memories of three, sometimes four, dreams. About half of them were nightmares, but they didn't trouble me as much as what I … Continue reading Three Dreams and A Dragon
In the movie adaptation of my life, the climactic scene would go like this: the camera slowly sweeps up to where I am snuggling into a warm plaid blanket on a rustic porch. The sun peeks out from where it slept behind the mountain range. The soft light on my face shows I’m at peace. … Continue reading A Lesson on Joy
Tonight, after reading and listening to a podcast for a few hours, I felt stir-crazy from sitting for so long. I needed to get up. Specifically, I felt like trying out the Movements I saw on the Netflix series “The OA”. I was just about to do that when I remembered I could not get … Continue reading Sleepwalking
Immediately upon being diagnosed with ALS, I heard from doctors, support groups, books, and websites that this disease will steal my dignity. I wanted to be on guard against this, but there was a problem: I didn’t have a clear understanding of what dignity means. It was always just a collage of images: Dame Judi … Continue reading How To Pee From A Sling With Dignity
How I Live Now: Life With ALS 